What if the Presidential Candidates were Italian Food?

Let’s face it: the presidential election cycle can be draining. Infighting within the parties, nasty campaigns, and candidates whom, if elected, promise to be an embarrassment to the nation on the world’s stage. But what if there was a way to make this election cycle…funny? I think I’ve figured it out. If you replace each of the candidates names with Italian food specifics, “Mad Libs” style, you’ll find that SMH turns to LOL.

Key:
Bernie Sanders: Spaghetti
Hillary Clinton: Meatballs
Ted Cruz: Pizza
Donald Trump: Lasagna
Chris Christie: Tiramisu

Let’s try it out!

Old Sentence: Bernie Sanders is running against Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nomination.
New Sentence: Spaghetti is running against Meatballs for the Democratic presidential nomination.

Do you get it? Spaghetti and meatballs, two foods, running for president? Would their first act as president be parmesan cheese? I’d like to see that inauguration.

Old Sentence: Republican voters are in a bit of a pickle, as they are forced to choose between Ted Cruz and Donald Trump for the Republican presidential nomination.
New Sentence: Republican voters are in a bit of a pickle, as they are forced to choose between Pizza and Lasagna for the Republican presidential nomination.

This one makes me laugh because I imagine someone looking at two plates, one with some tasty pizza and one with some steaming hot lasagna. They’re unable to decide, and they look back and forth so many times their eyes go cross and they fall down dizzy. Let me tell ya, watching that would be a lot funnier than this presidential election!

Old Sentence: Chris Christie dropped out of the race to endorse Donald Trump.
New Sentence: Tiramisu dropped out of the race to endorse Lasagna.

This is one of those crazy “Mad Libs” where replacing the words actually works out perfectly! Tiramisu is a delicious Italian dessert that goes well with lasagna. In fact, they even kinda look alike!

Now, let’s put em all together. This is about to get bonkers.

Old Paragraph: The 2016 presidential election is shaping up to be a nail biter. On the Democratic side, you have Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders running a tight race to represent their party in November. Clinton is an experienced politician, a former Senator, former Secretary of State, and the presumed frontrunner for the nomination. Sanders, a long time Senator from Vermont and proud Democratic Socialist, has strong grassroots support amongst the youth and amongst those tired of the status quo from elected officials. The Republicans, on the other hand, are deciding between Donald Trump, a billionaire businessman with no political experience but whose fiery rhetoric and controversial remarks have resonated with conservatives throughout the country. Ted Cruz, currently running in second place to Trump, is running on an evangelical platform of traditional, conservative values, but faces an uphill battle because he is seen as weak and unlikeable. Trump recently received a bump in the form of an endorsement from Chris Christie, a surprising move as Christie was always seen as decidedly moderate. Also, Marco Rubio.

New Paragraph: The 2016 presidential election is shaping up to be a nail biter. On the Democratic side, you have Meatballs and Spaghetti running a tight race to represent their party in November. Meatballs is an experienced politician, a former Senator, former Secretary of State, and the presumed frontrunner for the nomination. Spaghetti, a long time Senator from Vermont and proud Democratic Socialist, has strong grassroots support amongst the youth and amongst those tired of the status quo from elected officials. The Republicans, on the other hand, are deciding between Lasagna, a billionaire businessman with no political experience but whose fiery rhetoric and controversial remarks have resonated with conservatives throughout the country, and Pizza, currently running in second place to Lasagna. He is running on an evangelical platform of traditional, conservative values, but faces an uphill battle because he is seen as weak and unlikeable.Lasagna recently received a bump in the form of an endorsement from Tiramisu, a surprising move as Tiramisu was always seen as decidedly moderate. Also, Garlic Bread*.

*I forgot to give Marco Rubio a thing, so he’s garlic bread, if that’s ok.

Ha! That turned out funnier than I thought. I thought I’d stepped into cuckoo bananas town for a second. As if this election cycle wasn’t crazy enough, now a bunch of tasty Italian cuisine has tossed its hat into the ring? Molto bene!

Feel free to make your own or switch up the menu items. Just try not to get too hungry!

NOTE: This fun exercise is not meant to be an endorsement of any Italian food and does not represent an opinion on which food is superior. As with all foods, Italian food should be consumed in moderation as part of a balanced diet.

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