Alright, nothing wrong with getting Chipotle, as long as I observe the principles of moderation. I’ve seen the ads: a Chipotle burrito can have upwards of 1600 calories. That’s insane. That tortilla alone adds a few hundred extra cals. No way. I’m going for a bowl. You can’t dip chips in a burrito, anyway. I’ll do half and half rice (healthier) and black beans, for sure. I’m trying to go vegetarian, so maybe I’ll go with the sofritas. Wait. If I skip the sofritas and forego any meat altogether, I’ll get guac on the side. You get it for free if you skip the meat. All the better to dip those chips in. Wait. I’m skipping the burrito (healthier), but I’m adding chips? Which are…fried tortillas? Nope. I’ll skip ’em. Who says you can’t have a healthy Chipotle meal? I feel pretty good about myself. Alright. Mild salsa. Little bit of medium. Perfect combo. Perfect for those tasty, hint-of-lime infused chi…no, wait, I’m not getting chips. Well, it’ll taste pretty good coming off my fork. My plastic fork. My plastic, tasteless fork. Hmm. How would they feel if I cancelled midway through my order? I’m sure they’d understand if I told them I forgot I wouldn’t enjoy the bowl because I wouldn’t be adding any chips (healthier)? Would we laugh about it? Probably. I’d laugh, at least. Being healthy is easy. But no, I’ve come too far at this point. Yes, sir, go ahead and throw some corn and cheese on there. Sour cream? Sure. I’ve got calories to spare! Anything else? Why yes, a healthy lifestyle and a sense of self accomplishment, for one! Yes, that’s right, a veggie bowl for here. Would I like chips or a drink? Sir, I’m not sure if you’ve witnessed to my internal monologue throughout this transaction, but I’ve actually turned over a new leaf as of a few minutes ago. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I understand that sometimes making simple, sensible decisions can be the difference between being a tub tub and being slim, trim, and inspiring. So, for today, I’ll just use my fork. My plastic fork. My plastic, tasteless fork. My plastic, tasteless, unsalted fork. Right. You know what? Give me the chips. I just won’t eat the whole bowl (healthier).
*********** 20 minutes later*************
I am a monster. Tomorrow is another day.